Yep, you have total arousal control.

We’ve been taught to think that sexual desire is something that should spontaneously spike to make you crave sex once, twice, or five times a week. But new science suggests that your libido is actually at the mercy of a series of accelerators (triggers that turn you on) and brakes (happenings that turn you off), which vary from person to person. Use these tips to cruise at your own ideal speed;

Have All Systems at the Ready

You may have heard that your arousal peaks in your 20s or 20s. Fake news alert! Age really is just a number. It’s actually your relationship status and mental and physical health that can make desire fluctuate throughout your life. Make sure those are in tip-top shape and you’ll continue to want crazy-passionate sex in all your decades.

Write a Hot List

You might be easily switched on by a sensual touch, smell, or fantasy but just as easily turned off by dirty talk. Your partner? He could be the total opposite! Write your triggers down, then play “show me yours, I’ll how you mine” with your dude.

Celebrate a #TBT

Five or ten years into a relationship, it takes effort to get back to that must-have-you-know sex phase. Call upon those early feels by recreating your first date to bring back the flood of intense, erotic emotions. When one starts avoiding sex, reminisce an experience where you two felt some awesome sexual excitement. Through sharing the intimate experiences you’ve had, you can re-sexualise together and evoke your desires.

Don’t Judge

The biggest mood deflator for many women? It’s when you feel like you should be having more sex than you are. When you worry, your brain and body are more likely to be less interested. You can fight this by remembering that pleasure in the measure – it’s not how often you do it that counts, but how much you can enjoy the sessions you are having.

Experiment With Sex Toys

Sex toys can greatly benefit couples and bring a bit of excitement into a relationship. Toys can give you feels you didn’t know you had. Experimenting on different sex toys options and settings mean you and your partner can always find something that fits your mood, figure out what you liked and reach multiple orgasms.

Erase The Finish Line

In the same vein, stop believing that orgasms are everything. Thinking about how long it’s taking you to peak while you’re getting it on can distract you from all the great sensations you’re still experiencing and kill your mojo. Instead of timming yourself, view the intimate journey you’re on as the payoff.

Take A Break

Sometimes pushing things up can feel smart – until you’re tired and ready to give up. Maybe it’s time to press pause and do something that you both enjoy. Taking a break provides the opportunity to retune your relationship. You could do it for a week or two – it’s totally up to you and your partner. This is also the best time to explore other intimacy techniques like foreplay, cuddling, kissing and sensual massages.